Ya Rabb,

It's all You.

The pandemic period made everything not so good. Yesterday's Eid Al-Fitr was held by PSBB then Eid Al-Adha is now held by PPKM. And what makes me the most sad, my mother has been sick since 3 days ago.

I almost forgot to say Happy Eid Al Adha to all Muslims around the world. May we all be in the protection of Allah and the blessings of a useful age. Aamiin.

Eid al-Adha, of course we do not forget the story of the prophet Ibrahim and his son, the prophet Ismail. Each of us is Ibraham. Ibrahim who has Isma'il. Your isma'il can be in the form of your wealth. Your Isma'il can be in the form of your position. Your Isma'il can be your title. Your Isma'il can be your ego. Isma'il is something that you really care about, you love in this world.

Eid al-Adha always reminds us that each of us is the Ibraham of Allah. Eid al-Adha talks about trust and sincerity. Two years we went through a pandemic, it made me more and more aware that after graduation two years ago there were a lot of targets and dreams that I had neatly made in my mindmap but the fact is that with me being able to write today and feel quite happy with my family, the fact is that the pandemic has turned me into a simpler one.

How can it not be?

You alternate the Day and the Night, stars glisten at Your Call, and Your perfect Light bounces off every corner of Your Earth. You make the leaves dance in the wind, intricate flowers bloom between cracks, and crushing oceans submit to Your Call.

Ya Rabb, it's all You.

But they were distracted and some days, even ungrateful. Oh, if only they knew how much You love them! If only they knew the grand plans You have for them! The potential that they hold, the hope that they carry, the love that they could give. But they don't see You, Ya Rabb. They don't see that it's all You. They only had their Dunia glasses on, so they thought they were on top of the (crumbling, impermanent) world. 

But throughout their highs and lows, their ease and their difficulty, their solitude and their companionship, their successes and their failures - throughout it all, You were always there.

Watching. Listening. Caring. Protecting. Loving.

Every second, You gift them with sustenance upon sustenance, and some days they marvel and speak about You. Oh some days, how they celebrate and praise You! But more often than not, they forget. You know better than us how transactional and flimsy our proclamation of love is: for each other, and also for You.

But today, You moved them to remember You, and You softened them to cry out of sheer gratitude for You. You made them realised that it was You who led them out of their naivety, it was You who scrubbed the rust off their hearts, it was You who rooted them on lands where they would thrive, and it was also You who ennobled them with purpose.

You also led them to remember how it was You who carried them out of their dry spells, You who planted good companions and teachers, You who continue to drench them with inspirations and ideas, and it was also You who poured harmony, humour and happiness in their home. 

It's all You, Ya Rabb.

You never gave up on us.

Rather it is us who throw in the towel. It is us who sigh and tire. It is us who throw our arms up in anger. But how blessed are we that we have You.

For Your Love is not conditional, unlike ours. 

Your Love is not weak, unlike ours.

And Your Love is not limited, unlike ours.

It's all You, Ya Rabb.

Ya Rabb, every second the orchestra of the Universe sings in perfect pitch praising and remembering You. You let the Earth laughs in flowers, You humbled great mountains, and every living organism is bowing in submission to You.

And then there's us.

The Bani Adam.

The ones who are constantly wrecking the harmonious symphony of Mother Nature. The ones whom angels themselves ask about "Will you place in it someone who will spread corruption and shed blood while we glorify Your praises and proclaim Your Holiness?"

But You responded, "I know what you do not know."

Ya Allah, You've always stood up for us.

Yet we are lazy to even stand up for prayer for just 5 minutes for You.

Ya Rabb, why do we act like we know, when we really do not? Why do we arrogantly rely on our flawed selves, insist on our imperfect plans and then blame You when things fail and miserably fall apart? Why haven't we learned humility and acknowledge our place as Your Abd?

I still struggle to find the answer today, Ya Rabb. But today, I take comfort in the fact that I have You. That we all have You. And that it's all You. It's You when we smile, it's You when we breathe, it's You when we give, it's You when we love. And that it's still You when we fail. It's still You when we are lost. It's still You when we are exhausted.

You are the only reason why we are here, Ya Allah - and what a glorious, remarkable, magnificent, and noble reason it is.

It's all You, it's all for You, and it will always be You.

Always, all ways.

From the bottom of my heart, Eid Al Adha friends. May you, your family and your loved ones always be under His Love and His Protection always. I pray may we all be invited for Hajj too, so that we can all recite these words in His blessed land:

“I respond to Your call, O Allah! I respond to Your call. You have no partner. I respond to Your call. All praise, thanks and blessings are for You. All sovereignty is for You. And You have no partners with You."

Tasikmalaya, 20 July 2021

I realised that I have all this "information" about things that really do not benefit me in my Akhirah (and Dunia too!) but I know very little about the state of my heart. And that made me sad - imagine a best friend who's always there for you, who helps you shoulder the weight of so many of your problems, never leaving your side, but you barely give her a minute of your time nor attention.

You see, there are no right or wrong ways to do these Morning Pages, the goal here is to just let your mind and your heart flow. It is your safe space as no one sees what you are writing but you and Allah SWT, so be completely unfiltered, vulnerable, and raw.

If anything, your heart deserves to be authentic with you.

So here's how it works for me - and you are more than welcome to tweak it to suit you. As soon as I'm done with my Fajr prayers and Quran recitations, I'll sit down to write my morning pages.

Some days it flows better than others, other days I stare, type, delete, and type and delete all over again. But every day when I do these morning pages, my heart feels full because I've emptied it out.

Here are some questions / prompts that have helped me open myself up a little when I write these morning pages, I pray may it be of benefit.

1) How do you feel this morning?

2) What is it that you can't stop thinking about this morning?

3) What are you grateful for this morning?

4) What can you do to make today better than yesterday?

5) What is the most beautiful thing in your life today?

Remember: it doesn't have to be cohesive or has any form of structure whatsoever. Just let loose when you write - that's the whole point.

I'll now share with you a tiny portion of my Morning Pages today.

I did not want to write this morning but I know myself best - when I don't want to do things, that's when I know I must do it. I have to be comfortable with the discomfort, to make friends with my fear, to be at ease with the striving. Because the Path to Allah is a labour of the heart. My goal is to retort "Try me!"

As a writer, I thought I would have nothing to write for my Morning Pages because I write frequently for work. But there's an unexplainable thrill of knowing that no one gets to read what you write and so I took advantage of that priceless freedom and I've never been happier.

How do we judge what is valuable? Basic gratitude. There is such a thing as a basic gratitude for everything that is as it is. Writing is an integral part of the process of understanding. Pleasure, which is fundamentally the intensified awareness of reality, springs from a passionate openness to the world and love of it. 

You can of course try it if you want!

To writing, expressing and living more,

Sena.

PS: If your morning is frenzied, try "Night Pages" instead? The key thing here is to let your heart breathe by allowing it to flow after you've neglected, overlooked and shut it tight for so long 💜

Tasikmalaya, 18 July 2021

I believe having one good conversation can essentially fix all problems, heal wounds, bridge gaps, bring joy and even inspire generations. It is also the bedrock of maintaining and solidifying any relationships - be it marriage, friendships, and even with our teammates at work.

Even before having any conversation, I've learned that gauging the "temperature" of the situation is incredibly important. For example, when both parties are too angry and tension are still high, then the "temperature" at that particular scene is too hot - i.e. should a conversation happen, both parties might be too defensive, too agitated, or too mad to have a calm and effective exchange.

  

I've read somewhere that there is wisdom in us having two ears to listen with, and only one mouth that is "gated" to speak with, i.e. one should listen more than one should speak.

It's something that I still have to consciously remind myself to do. But I realised that as soon as the other party notices that I am listening, they'll start to relax and in turn, it allows them to better articulate their points.

All great conversations require some level of vulnerability and honesty, and in order for that to naturally transpire, we have to first set up a safe and "no-judgement" zone. Re-assuring the other party that the conversation is sacred and just between you two is crucial, and I usually try to do this by choosing a suitable place, by being vulnerable myself and by comforting the other party that their thoughts and feelings are absolutely valid. Vulnerability takes courage so whenever I can, I'll do my best to remind the person I'm speaking with that their opinions matter and that they are loved.

One of the things I've learned when it comes to communication is that when I'm unsure of anything, ask. Ask from the very source itself, and never assume what he/she means. 

Yup. When you yawn, when you look at your phone, when you avoid eye contact - these are all "signs" that we give to communicate that our minds and our hearts are not present with the conversation that is taking place and that's a huge bummer and a big disrespect.

These are just some of the things that really does improve the quality of my conversations, and in turn, my relationships. I'm sure there's more and feel free to share it with me if you have any!

Do you know what's funny, dear?

It's that as I was writing this list, I chuckled remembering that no list is necessary when you want to speak to Him SWT. Yes, there is adab and etiquettes to follow as to how one should "pray" to Allah SWT but whenever I converse with Allah SWT, I never have to worry about Him misreading my body signals or if He won't understand nor listen to me because my communication with Allah SWT is forever open and He is ever-Present and all-Hearing. He SWT know and understand every single word we say, or don't say! He SWT never misses a thing!

To having more meaningful conversations with our loved ones, ourselves, and our Rabb,

Sena.

Tasikmalaya, 6 July 2021

 

3. Prayers is your biggest weapon. Pray for strength, pray for love, pray for anything and everything.

(The tip: if you like a particular characteristic from that person, ask Allah to send you people who have similar or better characteristics. Wait and see how Allah will surprise you).

Give your own closure.

Don't wait around it.

Love and prayer always,

Sena.

Tasikmalaya, 4 July 2021