Salam. Good morning everyone.

For the longest time, my relationship with duas (prayers) was practically non-existent. They were routine and mechanical, and it always felt like something I would do because I had to. But Alhamdulillah, as I learn more with my teachers  and being able to be in the company of beautiful souls who would utter prayers at every opportunity they have, I've come to realise that for as long as I don't put duas at the very core of my life, I would be doing myself a disservice and essentially stealing goodness from my own self.

I could write (and talk) for days on duas but today, I would like to share with you a story on a Dua of mine that "has not been answered".

Or so I thought. :)

You see, I've been making this one Dua for as long as I can remember. I would make it in every Solah, in the depths of the night during Tahajjud, when the rain falls, whenever I would travel, before I go to sleep, every day during the past few Ramadans - basically, whenever and wherever Allah SWT would move my heart to make that Dua, I would grab it and pray for it.

Some days more earnestly than others, other times more eloquently than the rest, but day in and day out, I am always hopeful that Allah SWT would answer my pleads.

It's been almost 9 years now, and although there were some instances where I would see a potential glimmer of hope, the thing I've been praying for still has not happened yet. And of course, there were many instances where a voice would whisper, "What's the point in praying for it still?" but whenever I get swayed by that thought, I would quickly try to remember to Whom I am making that dua to.

It is to Allah SWT, the Lord of the Universe. 

Sometimes, the reason why we are quick to give up on our Duas is because we make the grave mistake of bringing Allah SWT down to a "human" level. We think that He hasn't heard us, or that He's mad at us - we think He's this, that and the other. But Allah SWT is the Most Supreme. His Divine Power is not dependent on anything anyone does, He is never too late, nor too early, He never makes mistakes, and not a single thing happens that He does not hear, see, or know. Allah SWT is also definitely not calculative nor petty! And nothing is difficult for Allah SWT.

He says, "Be, and it is."

One day, as I was making that very same dua, it finally dawned on me.

I finally understood why Allah SWT has moved me to make the same Dua for the past decade and why He has not "answered" it yet.

Other than the fact that Allah's timings are the most perfect and that I know He will never test me beyond what I can bear, there is one other reason why I believe this "unanswered" Dua remains so. I finally realised that the "reward" for making that Dua is not so much about getting what I've been praying for, rather, the "reward" is actually being able to make that Dua itself, all this while.

Allah SWT wanted me to experience the sweet relief and the indescribable closeness that I feel with Him because of my numerous desperate calling of "Ya Allah". He wanted me to feel the gentle and soothing comfort of being able to completely surrender to Him whenever I shed my tears, as I pour my heart out to Him in my Duas. He wanted me to grow and blossom throughout this entire process as I learn how to learn to be "clingy" and rely only on Him.

And you know what's giving me goosebumps? That it is because of this "unanswered" prayer that I am who I am today - stronger, more grateful, at peace, and learning every day how much my Rabb takes care of every single detail of my life that I feel absolutely loved. And cared for. And protected. And fussed over.
I feel held by His divine embrace  :)

And this... is so, so, so, so, so much better than the original Dua I've been making. 

Will I continue to make this Dua? Absolutely.
But I will strive my hardest to worship, not worry, while I wait.
To do it with gratitude and hope, not with frustration and impatience, for even being able to make a supplication is a ni'mah. And to remember that my worship to Allah SWT should not be transactional, but transformational.

My one and only job is to pray and to strive, everything else is in Allah's Hands.
Not mine.

Dear, I'd like to end this letter by reminding us all that there's really no such thing as an "unanswered" dua. Rasulullah SAW said in a beautiful Hadith, "There is no Muslim who calls upon Allah, without sin or cutting family ties, but that Allah will give him one of three answers: He will quickly fulfil his supplication, He will store for him in the Hereafter, or He will divert an evil from him similar to it." (Ahmad)
It's always a win-win-win solution whenever we ask from Him. How blessed are we to have such a Merciful, Generous and all-Knowing God, who always answers in the Most Perfect way, whenever we call? ❤️

With all my love and prayers,
Sena.

Tasikmalaya, 22 June 2021